I'm talking to you!

When was the last time you had a conversation with somebody without checking your phone?

A few years ago I went out on a date with a guy that I really liked and wanted to get to know better. He took me to a nice place for dinner and I was kind of hoping that we would have a good time. Instead, he was looking at his phone the whole time, and I was just staring at the walls. So I decided I didn't want to waste my time and left. If someone who asked you out because they like you can't stay away from their phone for a couple of hours, exactly how much do they like you?

I often think about the time when we weren't controlled by these little devices that are such a big part of our daily lives. And no, I'm not talking about the time when we used to send handwritten letters by post or when we called each other using home telephones. I'm referring to the moments when we were able to get out and have fun without looking at our smartphone every five minutes. I won't pretend I'm not active on social media, on the contrary. Nothing that is human is alien to me. But just how nice it is to talk to someone who keeps their phone where it belongs - in their pocket.

When you are with someone, whether a colleague, a friend, or a date, and they put their phone on the table, do you feel that all their attention is directed to you? Of course not. Do you know why? Because when the phone rings or vibrates, they will look at it. They don't even have to answer it. The very fact that they got distracted for a second while you were talking to them, is enough to make you feel insignificant. And just because the screen is facing the table doesn't make it more polite. We are so obsessed that when the other person goes to the rest room, we instantly bury ourselves in our phone, like a reflex. God forbids we are on our own for a moment and take a quick glance at the place...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against technologies. I think they have made our lives much easier and more comfortable. There already exist apps for everything. A few days ago, at the metro a young man handed me a flyer that advertised a new app where you can order coffee, and when you get there, your coffee will be waiting for you. How long exactly does it take to order a coffee at the place without an app?!

Sometimes, looking at all those mind-blowing accounts of beautiful girls on Instagram, I wonder what would they do for living if they weren't "Instagram models"? How many of your followers know what flavour your favorite ice cream is, which movie always makes you cry, and how did you get that mark on your knee? And when someone shares all these things with you in person, do you really listen to them or you just think about which filter to use for your next photo?

"You are asking me all these questions just because you are curious and not because you really want to know", he continued while having a bite from his meal.

"Isn't it the same?", Ellie was eating with one hand, while holding her cellphone in the other one.

"Of course not", Clifton said."You want me to tell you just because you're bored. Then you will post something original on Facebook for your friends and followers to read without you actually getting into my story". Ellie looked at her grandad amazed. "Don't look at me like that, I'm not that ancient. I know how your young and superficial mind works."

"Hey, no need for insults!", Ellie thumped the table. A few people from the other tables looked at her.

"I'm just pointing out the facts. You're on your phone all the time doing God knows what. How do you expect me to tell you about the important things if we can't even talk about the little ones without you checking your phone every two seconds? There is a whole world out here, Ellie", Clifton said, pointing to the window. "Life is more than that little device you think you can't live without. You have no idea what it's like to live day by day as if there will be no tomorrow, and actually talking to people, not sending messages like robots. Yes, I know things have changed from when I was your

age but come on Ellie, do you really want to spend your youth like this?" Ellie listened silently, bowing her head. "If you really want to hear what I have to tell you", he continued, "I will tell you. I'll tell you everything". Ellie lifted her head with excitement. "But not today, not now."

"Well then when?", Ellie sounded helpless.

"When you'll know what to do with my story."***

Looking back on that unfortunate date, I can think of another one when neither one of us looked at our phones even for a second (Levkov, if you read this, it is you I am talking about)...

How nice it is to be with someone who appreciates your time and attention just as much as you appreciate theirs.

*** Quote from my new book